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How Not To Dress Like A Jerky Jersey Shore Moron

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Men, errrr, I mean boys … are you still dressing like one of those greased up, orange tanned, skin-tight shirt wearing losers you see on Jersey Shore? I know they call it reality TV, but if you do, you need to get with reality. Girl’s can’t stand douchebags that dress like that. So it’s time for a style lesson so … here we go.
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Shirts Too Right

Does you shirt look like it’s trying to hold you back from getting into a fight? If you told someone that it was painted on, would they believe you? If you’re nodding your head in agreement, then it’s time to give the shirt back to your baby brother and try some better fitting options we have for you right here…
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Shirts That Are Just Right

… and here we go. Shirts where the shoulders hit your ummm, shoulders, and not your collar bone. As well, buttons that don’t look like they’re going to pop off and take out someone’s eye because the shirt’s so tight. Just a couple of examples here of how a shirt is supposed to fit.
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HD Brows

While it’s all well and good to tap into your feminine side, getting your brows did – HD style – is for women. So until looking like a lipstick lesbian becomes men’s high fashion, just do this with your eyebrows…
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High Brow

… leave them the hell alone! Unless they connect in the middle – then pluck them.
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Man Purses

We’re currently at a turning point in men’s fashion. A critical one where we men are being feminized by what I believe is the feminist movement. It’s a turning point I believe, I hope to god turns back, because men should dress like men. AND, they should never carry a purse this this “stud” here. Only carry these…
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Making A Good Case

Either a knapsack for those rough and tumble days, or, a rugged leather holdall. Other than weights, a hammer, and groceries, that’s all a man should ever carry.
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Tribal Tattoos

I’m not one for regrets. I think everything happens for a reason and am a big fan of the saying “Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.” However, if you got those tribal tattoos when they were in – especially that dumb AF barbed-wire one – then you should totally be hanging your head in regret and lots of shame right now.
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Get An Ink(ling)

A Tattoo should be a well thought out, well-designed piece of artwork you put on your body that has meaning. I repeat – meaning. Getting a tattoo because it’s trending because you see it on everyone else is the opposite of that – it’s meaningless!
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Wife-Beating

You know, if an article of clothing is called after something so socially unacceptable and illegal that it’d get you thrown in jail … just don’t wear it.
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Wife-Attracting

These shirts will much improve your chances of attracting a wife, instead of being someone that beats his wife.
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Short Shorts

While Jean Claude Van Damme totally kicks ass, his shorts here totally show some ass. Not a good look for men. Ever.
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In Short…

… Just wear’em like these boys, boys. Your shorts should hit anywhere from right above the knee to 2 inches above. That’s it. And, that’s all. Bye.
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